Given up

I tried
And tried
And tried
To move
I wanted to go back
I had taken the wrong turn
While trying to reach somewhere
On ‘The Holiday’
I did go west
Travelled places
Mostly Europe
I thought there had to be an exit somewhere
But wherever I went
Left or right
I couldn’t go back
Alone
And now
I have given up
The only light I see
Leads to a way ahead
But I can’t travel alone
I would need someone
He, who brought me where I am
I know I said No
It graduated from a “Maybe”
And has terminated in a “What If”
I don’t want to live with that
I think I have to try a “Yes, maybe”
If that’s even an option
All I have to do now
Is wait for an answer...

Still travelling...

100 points for understanding what I am trying to say here...

We can never change what happened
Neither can we predict the future
Sometimes we can’t even tell
Why we did, what we did
It’s all written
But there is a reason

I don’t understand what’s written for me
I have tried to mould the present
I have tried to see the future
I thought I knew
But every time I was so sure
Life took a U-turn
And I was back at the first stop
God! I hate travelling so much
I wish I had a map
Only if I knew who was driving….

This long lost adventure has made things complicated
I wonder if there were any clues on the way
One thing’s for sure
I couldn’t find the short cut
And this long cut is taking forever…

So if the present is really a present which I think it is
Can I please open the gift
There might be a Map ;)

Coming home to you

Finally a song after a long time. I had composed it as well while sitting in a train on my way to Marseille in France. Hope you guys like it... And as far as the composition is concerned, you will get to hear it once you meet me... :)

I had started in the morning
It was a beautiful day
Life so felt liberated
Like all the worries gone away

But now I feel alone baby
I really need you to be there
Without you coffee doesn’t taste right
All the flavours feel the same

I am waiting for the evening
When I shall be back home again
To have you in my arms and hold you tight
And never leave home again

I had started in the morning
I shall be back home again
To have you in my arms baby
And never leave home again…

:p

OK, I didn’t have a better title for this post coz this is how I feel right now.

Something happened, something foolish.
Kuch maine kiya, kuch kisi aur ne…
Par bottom line is .... gadbad to hui hai boss
Panga yeh hai ki kisi ko samajh nahi aa raha use theek kaise kiya jaye
Aur jaisa ki hota aaya hai
Sab apni apni philosophy laga rahe hain… haha

But as I stand empty handed facing the entire battalion
I am thinking of only one thing that I keep reminding myself very often
“That everything happens for a reason”
But what explanation does God have for me this time?
Hmm…If I follow the omens
This is not the first time
He has tried to stop me from treading this path before
It’s as if he is telling me that I left him no choice but to make me go through all this…
He has a reason, he cannot explain

But I will know soon
Is there something in store for me there or here, I don’t know
I just know I am following faith
And to you, God
There better be a good reason for all this
Coz it isn’t funny
Not anymore…
Then why do I feel like this ‘:p’
One thing is for sure
This has been a rather long roller coaster ride
And I definitely have some college masala to entertain my kids later :p

Don’t know why…

I haven’t written for a while, I know
I didn’t have a lot to say actually
It’s like when you hide yourself and play your song,
While enjoying the rain,
You don’t want to be found.
Sometimes confinement frees you, of yourself.
Wow! What a line…
I guess it has made me more philosophical too
One thing’s for sure
It’s nice to rediscover yourself once in a while
Coz every time you do, you create a different world to fall back in
After all we all live life in phases
There are phase’s’ when we are in love
Such a phase is generally followed by a hatred phase :p
There are phases when we are happy and enjoying life
There are phases when we just wanna be left alone
But each phase that we live,
We live in hope…
Of finding something great to live for
Or someone special to share it with
Recently I have entered a phase of mutual harmony
I can’t say for how long will I be able to sustain it
And I am still searching
The problem is,
I don’t know what I am looking for…

All but one...

There are many people that we meet in a lifetime, but only one for us…Who is he? Hmm, let me see. May be the guy sitting next to you in a café, or the one who just crossed the street, or the brother of your friend’s brother’s wife!!
You don’t know, you can’t say. But there shall be once, when you will be very sure that he is the one for you.
I am on one such tour myself; still searching and it’s a lot of fun.
In my journey till date I have found some interesting people who claim to have found their better halves. They say it all just happens; that you just know one day. There remain no doubts, no ifs. You heart feels it.
Some graduate from being good friends, some from hating each other once, some don’t even meet properly. They just needed a glimpse of each other…

So I asked who to look for when I begin; a lover or a friend? What does it take to sustain the relationship?
They say one thing. We all need a friend who loves us. He is your best friend on friendship’s day, and a passionate lover on valentine's. You can’t survive a lover, you can’t survive a friend. You need to be both.

It’s a difficult game I tell you, a tough one to win. Many play, many fail, only to play it again.

Personally, I am not too good at it. I have made some mistakes myself. But that’s the beauty of it. It always gives you a second chance. So I rolled the dice again. And this time, I have hit a six. I have an option to move on or miss the turn to allow someone else to score.
Right now I am highly confused and highly cautious. I have heard the music before. Don’t want to sing again, fearing I might loose the rhythm. So I wonder, why did I get a dedication in the first place?

I know two things, everything has a reason and every beginning has an end. What I choose is what I get. But in the end…. all I want to do is to find my way back into love.

I died today...

The following poem is a dedication to one of my dearest friends, Dhimant who had written a beautiful poem on the theme “I died today”. Its my farewell gift to you Dhimant. Hope you like it.

We die many deaths in a lifetime
And are born again, to start afresh
To find the one he sent for us
Endangered in a love mesh

Leaving behind a sad yesterday
I died today.
Wishing for a better tomorrow
Where I shall open many doors
As my heart yearns to breathe
In the freshness of love
That lies inside
He has started from home
And so have I
Opening doors until we meet
Till then, my love I want to say
Just hang in there, I am on my way

Its cold outside
And I see him waiting
Can’t wait to feel the warmth,
In those hands that hold me
In those eyes that want me
In those arms around me
As I feel loved… with a hope that I don’t die tomorrow.
I died today.